


Promise Me

by Lokidfault



Category: Supernatural
Genre: FTM, Suicide, Swearing, Transgender, referenced self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 00:05:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15918960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokidfault/pseuds/Lokidfault
Summary: Kayden is tired and fed up of everything and decides to take matters into his own hands. (That was literally the worst summary ever, sorry guys)





	Promise Me

**Kayden POV**  
Kayden slammed the door to his room. Closed fists shaking, he bit his lip until it bled, fighting back the tears burning his eyes. Sam and Dean just didn’t understand. He wasn’t trying to hurt them, he just needed a coping mechanism. All others failed, but the pain was there for him, it was like a long-lost lover. For most people, relapse was their biggest regret, but for Kayden, it was the best decision he ever made.   
Tearing his body away from the wall supporting him, Kayden rushed to his desk, and pulled out the notepad where he hid his blades. The silver piece of metal glinted in the dim lamplight, welcoming him. He ripped off his flannel and plopped on the floor, leaning against the wall, grabbing the box of tissues on his way down. Placing the blade against his forearm, he dragged the metal across his flesh. The pain was instant; blood pooled up around the cut, and started to fall down his arm. He brought his arm up to his face and lapped up the line of blood with his tongue. Mechanically, he placed the blade on his arm again, slightly lower than before, and cut again. But, for him, the pain wasn’t enough. He placed the blade over the same cut again, pushing down harder and ripped the blade across the wound again. The blood flow immediately increased. Kayden grinned, a sick twisted grimace, looking at the beginnings of his handiwork.   
Suddenly, there was a knock on his door, followed by a grunted, “Kayden?”. Dean just didn’t know when to leave well enough alone, did he?  
Kayden placed the blade in his pocket, and covered the cuts with some tissues, pulling his flannel back on over his wounds.   
“What do you want, Dean?”, Kayden snarled, pulling the door open.   
“Woah, kid, I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay”, Dean defended. “You took off pretty quickly”.  
“Yeah, Dean, I’m fucking super”, Kayden stated. “Now will you leave me alone?”.   
“You know, for some reason, I’m getting the feeling that you’re not fine, Kay”  
“Don’t call me that! You don’t get to call me Kay!”, Kayden screamed in Dean’s face.   
“Hey, calm down, Kayden,” Dean said, backing up with his hands raised.   
“Fuck off Dean!” Kayden spat, slamming the door in Dean’s face, and locking it. Kayden collapsed on the floor, sobbing.   
Dean, heartbroken upon hearing the crying boy, hung his head and walked down the hallway to his room.   
When Kayden got his breathing under control, he stood up on shaky legs and walked over to his desk. He opened the top drawer, taking out a pad of paper, a pen, and a brand-new box cutter. He sat down, thinking about what to write. After several minutes of thinking, the boy scribbled something down.   
Kayden folded the note, and his flannel and placed them both on his bed, unlocked the bedroom door and turned quietly down the hallway to the bathroom. He heard Dean and Sam in the library discussing what had just occurred, so he silently slipped into the shower room and locked the door. Kayden looked in the mirror at his face, hating the look of it. He would never pass for a cis-man, and he hated it. He hated that he was born in the wrong body, he hated that his family disowned him and threw him to the streets, he hated his life. Kayden calmly turned the warm water on and filled the bathtub, taking his last few minutes to ready himself. Sitting on the edge of the bathtub, he stared at the bottle of lithium he took from the bathroom cabinet. Then, slowly, he opened the cap, and placed a pill in his hand. He tilted his head back, and swallowed the pill dry. Then he tilted another handful of pills into his mouth. It became easier and easier with each handful, and soon, the whole bottle was empty. Kayden sighed in disappointment, and picked up his box-cutter, climbing into the filled bathtub. Smiling contentedly, he placed the box-cutter along his left wrist, digging deep into the skin and muscle there. When the blade was lodged deep in his arm, deep enough that half of it wasn’t visible, Kayden harshly dragged the blade vertically towards his elbow, reveling in the sound of ripping paper that came from his flesh. Kayden’s arm was instantly covered in a slick red coating of blood as he repeated the process again on the same arm.   
Gleefully, with black spots appearing around the edge of his vision, Kayden gave his right arm the same treatment, happy that the excess of lithium was both dulling his senses and making him clench his muscles, he would bleed out faster that way. Satisfied with his work, Kayden dropped the box-cutter outside the tub, and leaned down until the scarlet-tinted water was covering his nose and mouth, and closed his eyes.   
**Dean POV**  
After Kayden slammed the door in my face, I went down to Sammy in the library. Sam looked expectantly at me, “Well, did you talk to him?”, he asked.   
“I tried, but he just screamed at me and slammed the door in my face. I’m gunna go make some grub and try again in a bit,” Dean said.   
Dean walked into the kitchen, taking out pasta, chicken and sauce, ready to make Kayden’s favorite food. After a half-hour of work, and one sauce explosion later, the chicken parmesan dinner was ready and on the table.   
“I’m gunna go get Kayden,” Dean said.   
Sam grunted, as Dean walked towards Kayden’s room. He rapped quickly on the door. After no response, Dean knocked again and said “Kayden, I made your favorite for dinner, chicken parm”. When Dean still heard no response, he began to worry. “Kayden, I need you to let me know you’re okay in there. Make a noise or something, or else I’m coming in”. When there was no sound, Dean tested the handle, it was unlocked which just worried him more. Glancing in to the room, he saw no sign of Kayden, and a note on the bed. He walked over, and picked it up. Scanning the note, his face paled, and he bolted, dropping the note. “SAM! SAMMY!” Dean hollered, barreling down the hallway. Sam appeared at the doorway to the kitchen, concern all over his face. “Wha-“, was all Sam managed to get out before Dean yelled “I-Its Kay-Kayden, I don’t know where the hell he is but Sam-Sammy he’s in trouble man- We have to find him”.   
“What kind of trouble, Dean?”, Sam asked. Dean just gave him a pained look, tears filling his eye, and Sam knew. They both ran down the hallway, opening the door to every room, screaming for Kayden.   
Sam opened the door to the bathroom, barreling in to the sound of running water. Looking down at the pink tinted water coming from under the door to the showers, his stomach dropped. He grabbed at the handle with shaking hands, pulling the door open.   
“Oh, god. DEA-“, Sam managed to yell, before vomiting onto the linoleum.   
The sound of Dean’s heavy boots came down the hallway, as Dean rounded the corner to see Sam on the floor. He turned his head into the bathroom, and was greeted with an alarming sight. Ignoring the deep red bathwater, and the bloody box-cutter and empty pill bottle on the floor, he rushed over to Kayden, pulling his limp body out of the water, getting soaked in the process. Kayden’s lips were purple, his skin almost translucent except for the cuts. The cuts were a deep red color, blood still sluggishly coming out of the wound from in-between the muscle tissues. “CASTIEL, GOD DAMN IT GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE, pl-please,” Dean’s voice broke as he cradled Kayden close to him, tears streaming down his face. In a flutter of wings, Castiel appeared, and immediately blanched at the sight before him.   
Sam was in the hallway, crying and dry heaving over his puddle of vomit, while Dean was in the bathroom, cradling a limp Kayden close to his chest, both of them covered in blood and water.   
“Cas, you gotta-you- please, you have to s-save him,” Dean begged. Castiel walked over to him, and held on to Dean’s shoulders. Castiel gently placed Kayden’s body on the floor, and pulled Dean away. “Cas, what are you doing you need to-,” Dean said, looking into Castiel’s tear filled eyes. Dean knew, but didn’t want to believe it. He stood up, pushing Castiel off of him, and walked out of the bathroom. Sam and Castiel heard a loud smashing noise, and Dean swearing through his sobs.   
Castiel pulled Sam off the floor and out of the bathroom. “What happened, Sam?”, he asked. Sam just shook his head, walking towards the library. As he passed Kayden’s room, he saw the note he had written on the ground. Sam picked it up, glanced over what was written, before more tears streamed down his face, he handed the note to Cas and turned into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.   
Cas looked at the small elegant lines written in Kayden’s beautiful handwriting,  
“Just promise me, you’ll forget.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago but decided to post it. Should I write a prequel or sequel, or does it suck?


End file.
